What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
