Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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