What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
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