if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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