my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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