We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
