Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
