textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
