Me. At least after what I've been through.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
