i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Randomize
