problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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