Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize