Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
