The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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