i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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