I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
