Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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