Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
