At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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