1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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