yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
