I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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