GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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