I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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