If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
