So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize