U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
