Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
