God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
