So drunk its hurt
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
