4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
