wanna go halves on a baby?
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
