Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
