Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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