I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize