While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
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