OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
