Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
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