remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
