my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Do you remember whose house we're in?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
