I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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