Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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