im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
