I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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