How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
