After last night, I could never be a politician.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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