oh god the rape fog is back!
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
