can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
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