I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
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