life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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