wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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