I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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