fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I don't deserve a penis
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
