im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
