It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
