I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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