Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
