I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
