you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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