My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
