we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
