So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
