so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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