I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
