you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
