I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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