This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
