I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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