i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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