I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
