brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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