I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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