I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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