I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize