listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize