i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
