Plan B is the new Plan A
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
