i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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