dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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