are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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