I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
