do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
