Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
