So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
